The Color of Desire
by misslalonde
Summary: Grantaire is in love with Enjolras, who is in love with someone else. (TW: abuse) There might be some NSFW parts later on too so be warned
1. Chapter 1

Grantaire let out a sigh. He hated his life, he hated himself, he hated everything. Everything except one man. The only light in his dark world, the glimmer of hope in his troubled life. Enjolras was the sun in Grantaire's universe, everything Grantaire did revolved around Enjolras. Grantaire loved Enjolras, and he was fully aware that Enjolras would never love him back. Every time he tried to show Enjolras that he was more than just a drunk, hopeless nobody, he ended up making a fool of himself. Enjolras never seemed to run out of second chances, thank god.

Grantaire looked around the room, scanning the sea of faces for Enjolras. There was no meeting today, but Grantaire was hoping he could find Enjolras here anyways. He took a sip of his drink, not wanting get wasted this early in the day. Grantaire heard the door open, and glanced up only long enough to see a young couple holding hands walk into the cafe. It took him all of ten seconds to realize who the couple was. He looked up again, and saw Enjolras hand in hand with another man, a man Grantaire had never seen before in his life.

Grantaire felt his heart stop. Everything he was living for seemed to crumble before his eyes. He felt a tear roll down his face. He quickly escaped the cafe, before Enjolras would see him. Once he was a safe distance from other people, he broke down. His legs grew weak, he fell down on his knees as he felt his soul crumbling into dust. He had no idea what to do with his life, what to do with himself. Was he to keep on living? Watching Enjolras live happily with someone else? Keeping his feelings inside because it's too late? Or maybe should just end it. He didn't do much anyways, usually just sitting in the corner and drinking until he fell asleep. Grantaire's head was spinning, his thoughts flying in all different directions. He tried to get up, and make it back to his apartment. He made it about four steps before collapsing by a bench, and falling asleep because he had nothing left to live for.

Grantaire woke up hours later, lost and confused as to where he was, or how he had gotten there. He looked around, the sunlight that was shining through the window almost blinded him.

"'Taire?" A soft, familiar voice welcomed him from his slumber. Grantaire looked around, to see Courfeyrac sitting next to Grantaire, on Courfeyrac's bed.

"What the hell is going on" Grantaire murmured, still dazed from the day before. The day was a blur, but he remembered Enjolras and the man quite clearly.

"I found you last night asleep on a bench, it looked like you had been sleeping there for hours," Courfeyrac explained. "Me and Jehan carried you here to my place, you've been out for a really long time!" Grantaire sat up a bit, now able to see his friend clearer. Courfeyrac was sitting on the end of the bed, his book sitting on his lap as if he had just stopped reading it.

"Yesterday...was rough," Grantaire mumbled, as he tried to pull himself up. "Did you happen to see who Enjolras was with?" Grantiare wanted to know so badly, even though he knew it would kill him.

Courfeyrac froze. "His name is Jean-Pierre," Courfeyrac answered, his tone of voice was flat. "Apparently they met about a week ago, I didn't even know they were...a thing until yesterday."

Grantaire felt his heart break all over again. He felt the tears in his eyes start to fall down his cheek. Courfeyrac rushed over to him, and held his friend closely.

"Grantaire," Courfeyrac started, "Were you..in love with Enjolras?" Grantaire looked up, and buried his face in Courfeyrac's shirt. He wept, staining Courfeyrac's shirt with his salty tears. After a few minutes, Grantaire pulled himself together enough to tell Courfeyrac everything. He opened himself up completely for the first time in his life.

Grantaire told Courfeyrac about how he had been in love with Enjolras since the day he first saw those two bright blue eyes, shimmering with passion. He told him about the times their hands would accidentally brush together, and he could feel his heart skip a beat. He told him about the lonely nights when he would drown himself in alcohol. He told him about the times when he would beat up the kids who teased Enjolras, but only when no one was looking. He told him about how he has never kissed anyone before, because he is saving his first kiss for Enjolras. He told him everything.

After Grantaire was done telling Courfeyrac about his feelings, the two boys held onto each other tight. Grantaire smiled, for a moment he forgot all about Enjolras and Pierre.


	2. Chapter 2

Courfeyrac took Grantaire to the cafe, where he knew Enjolras would be. As much as Grantaire didn't want to see Pierre, he knew he would have to face the truth sooner or later. Grantaire's mind went wild, as he thought about what to say and what to do. All he wanted to do was kiss him, show Enjolras how he really felt. He wanted to kiss Enjolras's lips, then his neck, and then make his way down his delightful body, feeling every curve with his tongue. He would slide his tongue down Enjolras's thighs...

Grantaire's daydream was interrupted when they reached the cafe. He walked in with Courfeyrac, and almost immediately spotted Enjolras. Enjolras was seated next to a Pierre, who Grantaire never did get a good look at. They made their way towards Enjolras and Pierre. Enjolras saw them, and greeted them politely by offering them the seats across the table. Grantaire sat down in the seat in across from Enjolras. He looked into Enjolras's deep blue eyes, and noticed that they lacked the glimmer that he was used to. His eyes almost seemed empty. Grantaire looked over at Enjolras's lover, Pierre. He studdied him, noticing every detail. His hair was long and dark, pulled back behind his ears. His eyes were a bright shade of blue, but so bright they almost looked grey. He hardly smiled, and his face looked serious and cold. Grantaire didn't like him at all.

Enjolras introduced them to Pierre, Grantaire bitterly reached across the table to shake his hand. Pirre's hand was strong and cold. He looked Grantaire in the eye, examining his expression.

Courfeyrac saw there was obvious tension between the two, so he tried to make conversation. "So where did you two meet?"

Pierre told them that they met at a market, and ended up talking for hours. Enjolras nodded, expressionless.

They chatted for a couple of hours before Pierre suggested that him and Enjolras go over to Enjolras's place. Enjolras's lips curved into a smile, as he stood up to leave. Soon after they left, Grantaire found himself alone in the corner of the cafe drinking. He thought about Enjolras, and he took a drink. He thought about Pierre, he took a drink. He thought about what they were doing at that moment, he finished the bottle.

Several bottles later, Grantaire stumbled out of the cafe. He was determined to find Enjolras and tell him how he felt. His mind flew in every direction, he couldn't think right. He walked and walked until he found himself at Enjolras's door. He fell to his knees before he could knock, and almost passed out right there. He was awake just enough to hear what was going on inside, behind the closed door. He heard a loud moan coming from Enjolras. Oh how he wished he was the one making Enjolras moan like that. He layed at Enjolras's door, listening to his moaning and imagining himself inside Enjolras's bed, making love to the one he adored.

He fell asleep moments later, with the thought of Enjolras still in his mind.

Once again, Grantaire awoke in an unfamiliar environment. This time it was not Courfeyrac's apartment. It was Enjolras's. He glanced around, hoping to see a pair of bright blue eyes waiting for him. Instead, he found a note on the table next to the bed.

"Grantaire,

I found you asleep in front of my door. I am unsure why you were there, but I brought you in and let you sleep here for the night. I left you alone in my bedroom to rest, I am in my study if you need me.

-Enjolras"

Grantaire was suddenly struck with a piercing headache. Great. He stumbled over to the door, hoping to get a chance to talk to Enjolras before he fell asleep again. When he got to the door, he heard voices on the other side. He leaned his head close to the door, so he could hear what they were saying.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO?" A voice screamed. The voice sounded familiar.

"I said no, Pierre. Please respect that," Enjolras's voice replied.

"_You're going to be sorry for this_," hissed Pierre. Grantaire heard Pierre strike Enjolras with his fist. Enjolras let out a cry, and then a whimper.

Grantaire peeked into the room, and almost gasped out loud. Enjolras was on the floor, while Pierre was holding him down, beating him over and over again. Finally, Enjolras stopped fighting back. He gave himself up, and let Pierre take total control over him.

Grantaire wanted to step in, but his headache was getting stronger and he didn't know what to do. He felt his head spinning, and before he knew it, the entire room was spinning. He heard Enjolras let out last cry of pain before he collapsed on the floor again.


End file.
